just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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