Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
