He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
