this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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