Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
