Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
