Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize