There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
