you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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