i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
