i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
