Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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