The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
