Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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