I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
