can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
