he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
