Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i already hear my dad disowning me
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
