wat bout pragnant strippers??
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
