I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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