Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
