You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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