My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Two words: blizzard sex
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
