I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
