my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we're so committed to being not committed
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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