I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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