i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
