Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
