i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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