last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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