First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
