those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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