I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
