im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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