i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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