UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
