youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
where am i from again
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
