before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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