I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
