Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
