i already hear my dad disowning me
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
