I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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