Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
