Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
