That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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