would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
