I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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