I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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