we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
