I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
