Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
