God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Bring me that man meat
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
