just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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