margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
