I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize