i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
