I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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