They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
God, I missed his penis.
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