oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
