Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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