i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
