Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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