I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize