dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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