Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found puke in my bra..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
