Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
