We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
