I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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